Heart In Your Hands
by oneforthehaters
Summary: Logan gave up on hoping a long time ago. But will a winter storm bring two best friends back together? Can it mend what was once perfect?
1. Chapter 1

**author's notes: so im attempting my first multi-chaptered big time rush fic. it's gonna have hints of angst in it but all around it shouldn't be too bad. now, this is only my second time venturing into the btr fic world. i read it as much as i can and i've got a one-shot (go check it out on my page!) but multi-chaptered is new (in this fandom at least). so please, leave reviews and tell me what you think and give CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM (if i see on flame i will probably block you, sorry). i love reviews. having a story favorited or being favorited as an author is awesome and all but reviews are really what count the most. i want to know what you all have to say. if this gets a good response then i'll continue with it. **

**so please, enjoy, leave good feedback, and i hope you like it :)**

**disclaimer: big time rush does not belong to me. if they did would i be writing fic? heck no.**

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Chapter One

_He's six and staring out the window at the falling snowflakes. They're so pretty and white, and the ground is so shiny when the sun is out. He loves winter. Winter means Christmas, snowmen, and hot chocolate. Winter means playing in the snow with his three best friends until their faces are pink and they can't feel their fingers. Winter means snuggling under the blankets while momma reads a book until he falls asleep._

_He sighs. The others are supposed to be on their way but so far he hasn't seen them coming up the walkway. He looks at the clock over the fireplace; he can't tell time yet but he knows that the big hand is way past where it usually is when his friends get here._

"_Logan?"_

_Logan spins around to see his momma standing there with a tray of hot chocolate. "Momma, they're late," he whines. He trudges over to her, pout on his face, his big brown eyes sad. He hugs her leg and she laughs, bumping her hip lightly against his cheek._

"_They're on thei-" She's interrupted by the front door bursting open and loud chatter filling the room. Logan squeals in delight and runs off to greet his friends. _

_They all smile at him as Mrs. Knight helps them with their winter gear. James is the first to wave, then Kendall with his big grin, and then Carlos, helmet already strapped onto his head, bounds over to him and hugs him. Logan hurries them into the other room where hot chocolate and a movie are waiting._

_He stops. He's only six but he knows that these guys will be his best friends for forever and ever. A grin lights up his face at the thought. _

_Forever and ever._

_

* * *

_

Minnesota is freezing. But with Christmas just around the corner that's to be expected. Logan rubs his hands together to keep them warm while surveying the crowded airport. They should be coming through the gate any moment now-

"Logan, over here!"

Logan grins as he sees Kendall waving, Carlos right behind him. They've got their carry-ons in their hands, matching smiles on their faces. Logan bounces on the spot, willing them to get through the crowd at a faster pace. He's been waiting for this for a week now and it's finally here.

When they finally get to Logan, Logan greets each of them with a quick hug. Carlos, already chattering away, leads the way to the baggage claim. Logan can't help but laugh; it's just the same as it always has been.

_One person is missing, though_.

He pushes the nagging thought away and focuses on helping Kendall and Carlos get their suitcases. It doesn't take long for them to be on their way, heading to the parking garage across the street. Carlos keeps talking about random things, laughing and bouncing on his feet the entire walk to Logan's car.

Logan sighs. It feels good to have two of his best friends here.

_Even if he's missing_.

* * *

"So, Lo-gain, tell us," Carlos starts as he flops down on Logan's couch, "how have you been?"

Logan shoves Carlos' feet off the coffee table and sits next to his friend, shrugging. "Same old, same old," he answers. Carlos squints in disbelief. Then he just sighs and shakes his head. "What?"

"Logan, you-"

"Carlos!" Kendall shouts. "Come help me!" Carlos rolls his eyes but gets up anyway.

Logan is silently grateful for the interruption. He leans back against the couch and closes his eyes. It's not that he's afraid to talk about _him_ with Carlos or Kendall; it's just that he doesn't want to. Ever since the incident that broke the band up Logan has avoided any mention of his former friend like the plague. Words can bring up so many painful memories, memories he doesn't want to have nor does he want to dwell on.

After everything they have all been through together, Logan still thinks all that's happened is his fault. He won't admit it to anyone other than himself. _That_ he's afraid of. If he admits that it was all his doing, that it's his fault James left, then he'll lose everyone. Most of all he's afraid of what Kendall and Carlos would think if they found out.

_But they won't be finding out_.

A loud banging breaks Logan out of his thoughts followed by Carlos letting out a steady stream of colorful language. It makes him laugh. There's another bang so Logan forces himself off the couch and into the kitchen.

"Logan," Carlos squeaks. Logan takes in the sight of Kendall on the floor, groaning, a carton of eggs next to him, most of them broken all over the floor and his friend. Carlos smiles innocently.

"You two have been here for maybe twenty minutes and you've already managed to mess up my kitchen and potentially injure Kendall?" Logan sighs. "I need new friends."

The grin that lights up Carlos' face makes Logan think otherwise. He's been saying that for years, ever since they were old enough to know better, but he knows he would never need anyone better than the friends he has now.

"Yes….?" Carlos shrugs, the innocent smile slipping from his face as he grabs Kendall's outstretched hand and helps him to his feet.

Logan laughs. "And what were you doing with the eggs anyway?" He crosses his arms over his chest, leaning on his hip against the doorway.

Kendall brushes himself off before answering in a matter-of-fact way, "We were gonna make brunch." He smiles, then, and claps his hands together. "Carlitos, we need to go get more eggs don't ya think?" Logan notices the not-so-subtle way Kendall's eyes bug out and immediately knows something is up.

Carlos looks confused for a moment before his eyes light up. "Yes! We do." Logan raises an eyebrow in curiosity. They both head for the doorway Logan is standing in but Logan stands upright and blocks it with his body.

"What's going on you two?" He tries to look stern but know it's probably failing; he never was the leader of the group.

The two of them share a glance. Then, before Logan can protest, he's being picked up under the armpits and carried into the living room. Kendall and Carlos drop him onto the couch then they're both running for the door.

"We," Carlos points between himself and Kendall, "will be back soon with some groceries. You," Carlos points to Logan with a grin, "stay there and don't leave this house. Got it?" Before Logan can answer Carlos is following Kendall out the front door, slamming it closed behind him.

Confused, he just sits there and stares at the door for a moment, wondering what the hell just happened. His friends don't make a lot of sense most of the time and that usually translates into we're-up-to-no-good. He shakes his head but there's still a slight smile on his face.

He _really_ needs new friends.

* * *

Soon turns into three hours. And after three hours Kendall and Carlos still aren't back. Logan is beginning to worry. The snow started falling soon after they left and hasn't stopped since. He glances out the window, a frown crossing his face: the ground is covered and already piling high.

Logan sighs and lets the curtain fall closed. He takes cell phone out to call them both but it starts vibrating before he can do so. Carlos's name flashes across the screen.

"Carlos, where are you two?"

There's static on the other end of the line. Logan can barely make out what Carlos is saying but he hears "snowed in" and "grocery" so he assumes they are snowed in at the grocery store. The line goes dead after a moment or two. Logan curses and shoves the phone back in his pocket. He starts to pace. They all have dealt with a lot of snow during their years living in Minnesota but none of them have ever been snowed in.

Just as he's about to try and all Carlos back there's a frantic knock at the door. Frowning, Logan hurries over, wondering who would get out in a crazy storm like this. He takes a look through the peep hole only to be met with the back of someone's head.

He's ready to tell this person they're insane for even being out in this weather. But once the door is open he can't form a coherent thought, much less speak. He freezes while the snow swirls inside and the wind bites at his exposed skin, though he doesn't really care.

"James?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: first off i'd like to say thank you to the four of you that reviewed the first chapter! it is much appreciated. this didn't get put up as soon as i wanted it to. so many things have happened in the span of a week that i barely had enough time to get it finished at the rate that i did. sheesh! but it's up, that's all that matters. im gonna try my hardest to update as soon as i can between chapters, i don't want there to be a huge gap between each one. but life is life and sometimes i just wont be able to get chapters up as soon as i want :|. with that said, some stuff to go over. if there's a huge block of text in _italics_ then that means it's a memory, and a majority of the time they're gonna be in logan's point of view. just thought i'd throw that out there in case there was some kind of confusion. and things WILL get moving along. we'll soon start to get a glimpse into what the boys are doing (well, logan and james at least) with their lives. then we'll start to see what exactly happened to make them not-friends. also, i LOVE love love that this story has been put on so many people's alert list, but how about a REVIEW? reviews really make an author feel good and i would love to hear what you guys really think of this! constructive criticism is always appreciated too! so please, leave a review :). with all that said, ENJOY! :)**

**Disclaimer: i don't own big time rush or anything/anyone associated with it. im just playing in the sandbox :)**

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**Chapter 2**

Logan freezes. James is standing in front of him. _James is standing in front of him_. His mouth opens and closes like a fish as he tries, and fails, to find something to say.

"Logan?" James seems just as surprised as Logan. "I…I...what? This is your house?"

Logan nods dumbly, still staring. He can't believe that James of all people is standing on his doorstep, in the middle of a snowstorm, when they haven't even seen each other in over two years. "How did you end up here?" he asks while moving out of the way to let James inside.

James offers an appreciative smile. "My car broke down a couple of blocks back. The neighbors weren't home." He starts chewing on his bottom lip, eyes flickering everywhere but Logan's face. Logan glares. But then he remembers that once upon a time they _were_ best friends. Even if things have changed for the worse he's not going to let someone stay out in the cold.

Without a word Logan turns on his heel and marches towards the kitchen. He can feel James's eyes on his back though he chooses to ignore it as much as possible. Once he's in the safety of the kitchen, he lets out a sigh, leaning his hip against the island.

_He's here. What are you going to do about it? Kick him out?_

That stupid nagging little voice never seems to shut up. Logan squeezes his eyes shut and rubs his temples; a headache is coming, he just knows it. When he got the call from Carlos that he and Kendall would be coming to visit for Christmas he wasn't expecting anything like this to happen. Maybe a few broken things, of course, but nothing like _this_.

"You okay?"

Logan jumps at the sound of James' voice. He swallows past the lump in his throat and nods. "I'm fine. Thought about making some hot chocolate." He turns away from James and heads for the cabinets without waiting for an answer.

"If you don't want me here, Logan, just say it. I'll find someone to come pick me up."

Before Logan can even think about what he's doing, he spins back around, eyes wide, and blurts out a quick "No." James seems just as surprised as he is that he said that. He shakes his head, closes his eyes briefly. "I mean, no. I can't let you out in that. You can stay until it clears up."

James hesitates but nods. "Then let's have some hot chocolate." He offers a small smile.

Logan doesn't smile back.

* * *

The room is silent. They're both sitting several feet apart—Logan on the couch, James in a chair by the fireplace—and sipping their hot chocolate. The awkwardness is stifling. Logan feels like he's suffocating in it. But he just doesn't know what to say. What do you say to someone you haven't seen in over two years? How do you start a conversation with someone that hates your guts? He wishes he knew the answer.

"Where are Carlos and Kendall?" James asks quietly.

Logan takes a big gulp of his drink as an excuse to delay answering. The less he has to talk to James the better. _You're being a jerk, Logan._ Ignoring the voice in his head, he glances at James sitting there uncomfortably.

"They got stuck at the grocery story," he answers simply, shrugging lightly.

"Logan-"

Logan holds up a hand to stop James from going any further: he knows where the conversation will lead. It will only lead to fighting and more heartbreak. He can't deal with that, not so close to Christmas. "Don't, James," he whispers then gets up fast and hurries into the kitchen.

He _hates_ this.

* * *

_He's ten and standing in a hospital room holding his momma's hand. Fat tears are rolling down his flushed cheeks but he can't help it. One of his best friends is hurt and it's all his fault. He's terrified and wants to go home, and Carlos won't stop crying in the bed. His friend's tears make it all worse._

_Logan buries his face into his momma's arm. He can't stand watching his best friend cry because of the pain. A loud sob makes his own tears come faster. He looks up to see his mom's comforting smile; she pats him on the head and fluffs up his hair. "It's okay, Logie," she whispers before kissing his hair._

_Carlos's mom is smoothing back the injured boy's hair soothingly. But this doesn't seem to help Carlos at all. Sucking his bottom lip into his mouth, Logan wipes away more tears and shuffles behind his momma. He didn't mean to get Carlos hurt, he really didn't, but he wishes Carlos would stop crying and feel better. _

_It was a simple mistake. He and Carlos were walking home from school that afternoon when Carlos decided he wanted to play tag. Despite the frozen patches on the ground, and against his better judgment, Logan agreed and tapped Carlos on the shoulder fast before taking off down the sidewalk. His friend followed him, laughing loudly, and it wasn't long before Carlos was caught up. They continued until both of them were almost ready to collapse from the laughing and the running, so they stopped at a tree to rest. Carlos started teasing Logan about losing the last round and, in what he thought was a gentle move, Logan shoved Carlos and the boy went slipping on a patch of ice. _

_The end result was a broken wrist and a bruised tailbone, landing Carlos in the hospital. Logan feels awful. He tugs on his momma's shirt so she'll look down at him. "Momma," he whispers tearfully, "I didn't mean to. Why won't he stop crying?" He looks over at Carlos with round, tear-filled eyes. _

_Before he can be answered the door to Carlos's room bursts open and in comes James and Kendall, both of them frantic and asking rapid fire questions at the same time. Mrs. Garcia shushes them quickly, then waves them over to the bed. _

_The medicine finally kicks in and calms Carlos down enough to talk. Logan stays behind his momma, trying to ignore the random sniffles coming from Carlos. He stands there listening to Carlos slowly but surely brighten up as Kendall begins telling him a story. Suddenly a head pops around his momma's hip, a bright grin set in place. _

_Logan smiles shyly at James. James frowns and steps towards Logan. "What's wrong, Logie?" James asks quietly. His chubby cheeks are red from the excitement of the day and the cold weather has his nose all sniffly, making Logan smile a little bigger. Without meaning to, James has always been the one to make Logan feel better._

"_It's my fault Carlos is here," Logan answers sadly. James's frown deepens. Then, before Logan can protest, James is engulfing him in a huge hug and patting his back. _

_When they pull away from each other Logan sees that James is grinning. "Logan, you're so silly! It's not your fault!" He grabs Logan's free hand and begins to tug him out from behind Mrs. Henderson. Logan reluctantly let's go of her hand, allowing James to pull him over to the bed._

_By some pushing and prodding from James, Logan finally speaks. Carlos grins at him, tells him it's not his fault at all, and suddenly everything is back to normal. Logan doesn't feel so sad anymore. He looks over at James and James looks at him; they smile at each other and bump hips. _

_James has always been by his side._


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Notes: first off, wow! thanks for all the reviews for the first two chapters! keep 'em coming! :). im glad everyone is liking this so far. this chapter will be the last one until after christmas (dont murder me!) i just feel like since it'll be christmas day nobody wants to keep up with this silly ole fanfiction and most people will probably be too busy anyways (i know i will be!). so i'll hopefully get a new one up by at least monday night. im not making any promises at the moment, but i will try my hardest! :) and hopefully the chapters will be getting slightly longer than they are now (sorry about the shortness) cause things will progress, and soon, so i dont want to get hung up in too many short chapters when i can just make the chapters longer :)**

***id also like to point out a mistake i made in chapter 2. two reviewers pointed this out to me. i accidentally used henderson as logan's last name. this is NOT an rps, i just had a "moment" i guess you could say. sorry for any confusion that may have caused**

**Disclaimer: i don't anything or any of the characters involved with big time rush/nickelodeon. just playin' in the sandbox! :)**

**ENJOY!**

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****Chapter 3**

Another hour passes and the snowstorm doesn't let up at all. If anything, Logan think it has gotten worse and won't be going away any time soon. Sighing, he steps away from the window. Snow used to make him feel so carefree and light; made him feel like he didn't have a care in the world. Now, though, he can't relax with it storming like this.

He peeks around the corner into the living room. James hasn't moved from the chair at all. He's been hiding in the kitchen, busying himself with dishes that don't need to be washed. He even went as far as rearranging the refrigerator, but even that only kept him occupied for about twenty minutes. He feels silly and foolish for ignoring James.

Logan chews on his bottom lip thoughtfully. He could always go in there and _try_ to be sociable. It wouldn't hurt. Just as he's about to come out of hiding his cell phone starts buzzing on the island. He hurries to grab it before it can vibrate onto the floor, then answers it as quietly as possible.

"Hello?"

"_Logan, it's Carlos_."

Logan winces at the amount of static on the other end. He can barely hear Carlos over it. "When are you two coming back?" He pokes his head around the corner again. His eyes widen at the sight of an empty chair. There's more static and some kind of explanation from Carlos about how much longer they will be stuck at the store but Logan is barely listening. "Carlos!" He hisses, cutting Carlos off effectively. "Did you two know James was in town?"

The other end suddenly cuts out but not before Logan hears a muffled curse word. He'll take that as a yes. After shoving the phone in his pocket he walks into the living room, hoping that James will be back in the chair. When he sees that James is still missing he groans and sinks down onto the couch.

"You okay?"

Logan jumps at the sound of James's voice. "Fine," he answers a little too shortly. James huffs behind him then he's suddenly standing in front of Logan, arms crossed over his chest, glaring.

"If you're going to be such a dick, Logan, I'll leave. Say the word and I'm gone." James sighs, exasperated, and runs a hand through his hair. Logan drops his eyes to avoid the harsh glare directed his way. "Well?"

"I can't let you-"

James huffs again, "Never mind!" He stomps off towards the front door, grabbing his coat along the way.

"James, wait!" Logan rushes to the door, blocking it with his body so James can't walk out.

_So he can't leave you again_.

Logan squeezes his eyes shut. "Don't leave. I'm sorry, I just-" He stops mid-sentence, not entirely sure how to explain why he can't be nice at least for a little while. Sighing heavily, James hangs his coat back on the hook by the door. Logan smiles softly as he moves away from the door.

Maybe this day will turn out for the better.

Maybe.

* * *

_At the age of twelve Logan has to get glasses. It's a new and scary thing that he doesn't want to get used to, but he has to. He knew that at some point in his life he would end up with the things; he just didn't think it would be during the first week of middle school. _

_Carlos pokes fun at his glasses. Kendall tries not to laugh but fails miserably. Logan can't help it if his mom picked them out. They're ugly and too big for his face and he's stuck with them until he can get contacts. So he makes sure to get a seat in the back of all his classes and at lunch, instead of sitting with the others, he hides in the bathroom._

_It's there that James finds him. Logan is sitting on a toilet, sniffling a little because his friends hurt his feelings. It makes him feel kind of girly but he can't help it. He's expecting James to poke fun at his glasses like the other two did, but so far he hasn't done a single thing all day. _

"_What're you doin' in here, Logan?" James asks softly. Logan sniffles and shakes his head. "Is it about what Carlos and Kendall said today?"_

"_Y-yes," Logan mutters, stumbling slightly through his sniffles. He goes to wipe at his eyes but his stupid glasses get in the way. He angrily takes them off and folds them up before shoving them in his backpack. Everything goes blurry though he doesn't really care; he'd rather be walking around half blind than wear those things another minute._

_James sighs. "Don't listen to those two airheads," he laughs. "You know they don't know any better." _

"_But they're my best friends," Logan whispers. _

"_Logan, geeze, how long have the four us known each other? You oughta know by now that Carlos and Kendall aren't the most sensitive people in the world." James sighs again, heavier this time, and reaches into the stall to grab Logan's wrist. "Come on, let's go eat lunch before the bell rings."_

"_But-"_

"_No buts!" James ruffles Logan's messy hair affectionately. "Besides, I think your glasses are kind of cool."_

_Logan can only beam at him._

_

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At twenty-three Logan thought that maybe he would have everything figured out. After the band fell apart he continued on with his plans to become a doctor. He got accepted into medical school, has another two years or so before he can officially start his own practice. He found a house and moved back to Minnesota to be closer to family and the school once he got accepted. But lately he's been thinking. He's at a standstill, one he doesn't want to be at, but can't seem to get out of.

The more and more he thinks about it the less appealing being a doctor becomes. He put everything on hold for the band. All his dreams went on the backburner because Kendall's stubborn streak landed the four of them in Hollywood at the age of sixteen. Hard work went into that band, and every time he gets the chance to sit and _think _he thinks about the band, about the days when the four of them were still the best of friends going on tour and singing for the fans and signing autographs for a bunch of screaming girls. Then shit hit the fan, because of him, and every day he blames himself.

The band split almost four years ago. Nobody knows why James suddenly quit and moved to San Francisco to permanently pursue modeling and acting. Nobody but Logan. And every day he wishes things had gone differently.

"Logan?"

Logan looks up to see James holding a coffee mug in his hand and a plate of cookies in the other. "Where'd you find those?" he asks. He stretches just to make it seem like he wasn't staring off into space while James puts everything on the coffee table.

"There was a pack of them in the 'fridge," James shrugs. For a moment Logan feels like everything is normal between them. But then James hastily adds a "I hope you don't mind" and the moment is gone. They're back to silently despising each other, or at least Logan is.

"It's fine." He smiles to be polite. James smiles back and sits on the couch next to him. Logan tries not to notice how far away he is.

"Logan," James starts, then stops and worries his bottom lip with his teeth. "Maybe…maybe we should talk."

"About what?" But Logan knows exactly what James wants to talk about.

"Everything."


	4. Chapter 4

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Author's Notes: i am soooo sorry! i tried to get this finished early so it could be put up last night but this week has been all fjdsalfjldsafjklas. ive been an emotional wreck trying to figure some things out. on that note, thank you for all the reviews! i really appreciate them :). im not a huge fan of this chapter but hopefully ya'll enjoy it. things are starting to move along, and as the memories/flashbacks go along with the chapters then the boys will get older and we'll start to see what really happened. there's a sort-of hint in this chapter about what could have possibly happened between james and logan. but please, if you think you have it figure out, dont say anyhting in the reviews :). i hope you enjoy and keep the reviews coming! :)

Disclaimer: i don't own anything/anyone associated with big time rush. im just playing in the sandbox.

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**Chapter 4**

_Once upon a time, Logan had a best friend. Four of them in fact. They were all a tight-knit group, one never leaving the other, all of them operating as one body. If one got hurt, the others hurt as well. If one of them got mad, the others got mad with them. If one of them had the best day ever, the others listened intently. It was the best kind of relationship._

_At the age of fourteen they all started high school together. Kendall was still the leader, Carlos was still the goofy one, James was still the pretty boy, and Logan was still the smart one. But in high school they made other friends, started noticing the opposite sex a lot more; needless to say, their tight-knit group loosened a little around the edges. They started thinking more about life after high school and other relationships instead of constantly thinking about each other and being around each other. _

_Logan kind of didn't like this at all. He wanted to make sure they all stayed best friends forever. So he tried his hardest during freshman year to make sure of that. So he planned a night out for them. He got excited and he figured everything out and he just planned to his heart's content._

_One by one they all dropped out. Carlos had a project to work on. He even asked Logan if he wanted to help, but Logan politely declined, trying to mask his hurt feelings with fake cheeriness and understanding. Kendall's dad was visiting so he wanted to spend time with him; Logan understood that one a little better. James ended up with a date with some pretty girl he'd been pining over for a couple of months._

_That night Logan ended up sitting at home, watching a movie all by himself, bowl of popcorn his to enjoy. It wasn't until later, when the movie was almost over, that the doorbell rang. Curious, he set the almost-empty bowl down and hurried to the door. He peeked through the peephole and he ended up seeing James standing there._

_Logan flung open the door. He was surprised to say the least. Turned out that James's date cancelled on him last minute so Logan welcomed him in with a smile. They spent almost the entire night together, watching movies, talking about everything and nothing._

_It was probably one of the best nights of Logan's life._

_

* * *

_Logan doesn't think he's talked this much in weeks. Not with his friends here in town, not with Carlos or Kendall, not with his parents. They all have their problems to talk about but none of them are as big as hating someone and wanting to make things better.

They sit there and they _talk_. It's awkward at first, neither one of them wanting to go first, to say what's on their mind, but James finally opens his mouth and speaks. And Logan listens. Then he takes his turn, and he honestly can't remember a time when he's felt so honest and open and so carefree afterwards. It may not be the cure to their relationship problem but for now it's holding it together.

That's really all Logan can ask for.

* * *

"Do you think it's gonna stop any time soon?" James asks idly sometime later. In reality it hasn't been that long ago since they had a heart-to-heart, but to Logan it feels like it's been hours.

He looks out the window at the rapidly falling snow. "Doubt it. You wanna watch some TV?" He picks up the remote and turns the set on before James can answer. He flips through the channels at a fast pace, barely reading the titles on the screen, and finally settles on the hockey game from the night before.

The room falls silent for a few moments. For the first time since James showed up at his door, Logan doesn't feel awkward or ready to just explode because _James is here_. He still isn't sure if James was bluffing when he showed up. He doesn't really believe that James didn't already know this is Logan's home.

"Hey, James," he begins. James hmm's and barely looks away from the television. "How did you know which house is mine?"

"I told you-"

"James, if Carlos and Kendall had anything to do with this, then yes, you did already know this was my house." Logan smirks at the bug-eyed expression on James's face.

"Fine," James huffs and crosses his arms over his chest. "Carlos gave me the address, Kendall showed me which one, and we took it from there."

Logan is taken aback. Why would James want to find Logan's house? "Why?" he asks quietly. He thinks he may know the answer to this, but it would be nice to hear it. Maybe, just maybe, things can be reconciled between them.

After what Logan did, he really didn't think James would ever want to forgive him, much less find him and make things straight. Logan himself has wanted to find James millions of times. The last time they saw each other, two years ago, was a forced meeting. A possible reunion of the band, but Logan screwed up again. James didn't want anything to do with Logan. He regrets that more than anything.

"I want things to be right with us again, Logan," James whispers. He flicks his eyes down to the carpet quickly. "Don't say it's all your fault. We _both _screwed up."

Logan is pretty sure he resembles a fish right now. He can't think of anything at all to say, as much as he wants to, and James is sitting there waiting for a response. "James, I-" He's cut off by the house phone ringing. He sits there for a second, just staring at James helplessly, until the shrill ringing becomes annoying.

Logan hurries to answer the phone. He grabs it right on the last ring, answering with a breathless, "Hello?" There's a crackle then someone finally answers.

"Logan, it's Kendall." Logan barely registers that it's Kendall speaking. He's too focused on James. "The manager said we should be out in a few hours."

"Mhm," he hums while twirling the phone cord in his hand. He should feel bad that he's basically ignoring Kendall but he can't. James is here, James has been here, and he isn't leaving any time soon. Without thinking about it, Logan tells Kendall he'll see him later and hangs up, Kendall protesting the entire time until he's cut off.

As he's walking back to the couch, Logan feels a twinge of hope swelling in his chest. He finally feels like things are okay; like things will be okay. The feeling brings a smile to his face. James raises a questioning eyebrow when he sits. Logan shrugs and relays Kendall's message.

"Remember that time your date bailed on you so you spent the entire night at my house eating junk food and watching movies with me?" Logan blurts out. A blush heats up his cheeks and he averts his eyes to the carpet.

James laughs loudly. "I remember that! That was a good night," he grins. Logan grins back. "Why do you ask?"

Logan shrugs nonchalantly, like it's really no big deal. "Curious, I guess. It just suddenly popped into my head." He pauses and takes a deep breath. "I don't know if you know this, but, that was one of the best nights of my life. I was prepared to spend the entire night alone because you all had plans but then you showed up at the door and we just had _fun_, you know? And I-"

He's cut off by James standing abruptly. "Logan, don't do this," he groans. He runs a hand through his hair in a way that tells Logan he's getting frustrated.

"Don't do _what_, James?" Logan glares from his spot on the couch. Things were going so well…

James huffs, spinning around on his heel. "Don't say things like that, not after…not after what happened!" Pinching the bridge of his nose, he squeezes his eyes shut. Logan's shoulders slump in disappointment. "I wanted to make things right between us, Logan, but I can't-I can't _deal_ with us getting into another fight. So just stop."

"You're still not over that? It was _four years ago_, James! Four years ago!" Logan's aware that he's standing in front of James now, but he's not entirely sure when he got there. He can't get past the fact that James is being this way, again, four years later. He made a mistake, so what? It may have cost them the band and it may have cost him his friendship with James, but it was a long time ago; James should be over it by now.

"Logan-"

Logan holds a hand up, effectively cutting James off. "No, James. Things can't be made right between us if you're still so fucking upset about a mistake I made years ago. I'm sorry, but it just doesn't work that way." Without another word, Logan pushes past James and stalks off towards his bedroom. He ignores James calling his name and slams his door hard enough to rattle the walls. If that doesn't say _fuck you_ loud and clear then he needs to step up his game.

There's a picture stuck on the mirror hanging on his wall. It's a picture of him and James at the release party for the second album. They both look so happy. He can't stand it so he rushes over and snatches the picture off the mirror, balls it up in his fist, and throws it at the wall angrily.

He's beginning to think he was stupid for believing things could be fixed so easily.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Notes: oh my gooooosh i am SOOO sorry for the long wait :\. school started back this week and it's my last semester so things are kind of stressful trying to get back in the swing of things. ugh geeze. and this is super short and a pretty a horrible chapter *headdesk* don't kill me...?**

**thanks SO much for the awesome reviews :)**

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****Chapter 5**

_You ruined things again, Logan_.

Logan squeezes his eyes shut. He's been laying here for a half hour just thinking, but that stupid, _nagging_ voice won't go away. It's slowly driving him insane.

Every once in awhile there's a knock at his door and a quiet "Logan, open up," but he doesn't move and he just ignores the soft pleas. If James is really so desperate to apologize then he would try a little harder.

Logan keeps wondering why now, four years later, James all of a sudden wants to set things straight and why he's trying so hard. If it's something he really wants, or something he's been wanting for awhile, then he should have been trying as hard as he has been today. Up until the fight, things were going so well. Then it got screwed up and Logan wants to think it's his entire fault, but really, James is to blame too. James is the one that got mad for some stupid reason.

_So much for making things right._

"Go away," he moans as he shoves a pillow over his head. This cannot be good for his health.

Sometime later Logan notices that the consistent knocking on his door has stopped. He glances at the clock, sees it's only been another twenty minutes as he forces himself to get up and head over to the door. He cautiously opens it and pokes his head out, seeing no James.

Sighing in relief, Logan starts to close the door, glad for a little bit of peace, when the door is suddenly being pushed open and James is rushing inside and closing it behind him. Logan glares at James, who's already pacing back and forth.

"Logan," he stops moving for a second and glances at Logan. But then his face falls and he shakes his head, beginning to pace again. He huffs in frustration and runs a hand through his hair. Under normal circumstances, Logan knows that James would be freaking out if his hair got messed up. But these are not normal circumstances and he doesn't exactly know _this_ James.

"What do you want, James?"

James spins around to face him, his expression kind of sad and pitiful. Logan would feel sorry for him if not for the fact that James blew up on him earlier. "I want to apologize," he states simply, then nods his head once as if he's assuring himself of this fact. "I shouldn't have gotten mad at you, Logan. It was stupid."

"You're right," Logan crosses his arms over his chest and leans against the wall, "it was stupid. And I don't get why you would get so mad about it!"

"Logan-"

Logan holds a hand up. "No, James." He sighs heavily and pushes away from the wall to go sit on the bed. Head in his hands, he continues talking. "We were _best friends_ and then you just…did you ever think that maybe I needed you? You knew what I was going through, you knew I needed a friend, but after what-what I did," he stops to suck in a breath and let it out slowly through his nose. "After what happened you just up and left, without a word to the others. You left me, one of your best friends, in the dust because of a mistake."

James joins him on the bed. "What happened to us, Logan? Why couldn't we sort through it like grownups?" He flops backwards on the bed, throwing a hand over his face. Logan shrugs even though James doesn't see it.

For once he doesn't have the answer.

* * *

_Logan is freaking out. But he's sixteen; he's allowed to freak out about something like this. He's a high school sophomore just figuring out what he could possibly do with his life, and then this comes along. For once the genius of the group doesn't know how to deal with something. He, Logan Mitchell, doesn't have the answer._

_It started when Jenny Tinkler asked him out on a date. He only said yes to avoid any unnecessary injury caused by her clumsiness, but at the same time he wanted to go on a date. He's a sixteen year old boy with needs! So he agreed to go on a date with her. By the time Friday rolled around he didn't know what to do. He called on the only person he knew could help him: James._

_James always gets the girls. He has the looks and the personality. He was the perfect person to help Logan get ready, to teach him what to say and what to do. Logan couldn't be more grateful for a friend like James. So James taught him and James picked out his clothes and did his hair. All Logan did was sit on a stool and be James's plaything for a couple of hours._

_But the entire time he could hardly focus on the things James was teaching him. Instead he was focused on the fact that every time James was near his heart beat a little faster and his palms got kind of clammy. He chalked it up to nerves, in the end, but it still confused him. _

_And, when he was still thinking about it even on his date with Jenny, he told himself it didn't mean anything. There's no way he could be gay or bi or anything. He likes girls, _a lot_. _

_So as he lies in bed hours after his date he can't help but think about it some more. James is girly, James is pretty. Maybe that's why he keeps feeling that little fluttery-butterfly-tingly thing in his chest just thinking about his best friend. Yeah, that's why._

_Or maybe not._


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Notes: Oh snap, I actually got this up pretty fast! I like this chapter and hopefully you all will, too! The last chapter only got, like, two resposnes but I think part of that was the fact that I published it soooo late at night. That won't happen again. So thank you all for the reviewing and the reading and the alerting and favoriting! Keep it coming, please! :) Enjoy**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything/anyone associated with BTR. If I did, well, would I be writing fic? Hell no.**

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****Chapter 6**

When the clock strikes five Logan really starts to worry. Carlos said the two of them would be back by now, but they aren't here and the snow is still falling pretty hard outside. He keeps chewing his lip while staring out the living room window.

He hears James shuffling around in the kitchen. After awhile of silence James convinced him to quit hiding in the bedroom and join him for some dinner. So Logan pushed aside his anger and came out, only to avoid James like the plague while James found something to cook. Ever since he's been in the kitchen muttering and cursing while Logan stands at the window, worried and angry beyond belief.

Logan can't help the anger still simmering inside. James was his best friend and he wasn't _there_ when Logan needed him the most. And then they both screwed up, even if a majority of it was Logan's fault. James suddenly showing back up in his life and getting stuck in the snow storm with him and everything that's happened in the span of a few hours has him strung tight. The anger just seems to be a natural reaction lately whenever James is brought up in a conversation, and now with James back in the picture.

Logan is broken out of his thoughts by a loud curse and a thump. Sighing in annoyance, he hurries into the kitchen to make sure everything is okay. "James, what-" he pauses at the sight before him. A bag of flour is spilled on the floor, puffs of white surrounding James. James himself is covered in the powdery white. "What happened?" he huffs out.

James glowers. "I was _trying_ to make cornbread because I know you like it but the bag slipped out of my hands and everything is just _not_ going right and-" Logan tunes out the typical James rant. He had gotten used to them over the years of being friends with him, but right now that's not something he wants to listen to.

"I'll get the broom," he sighs. James just glares and spins around to the stove to check something. Logan tries not to notice the smoke that starts to billow out. As long as James doesn't burn his kitchen down, Logan could care less what's going on in there. He finds a broom and dust pan before taking it and beginning to sweep up the mess. "Why don't you just cook something simple? Mac-and-cheese would be perfectly fine."

James huffs loudly at the remark. "You know what, Logan?" Logan stops sweeping to look at James. James rips the apron from around his waist and tosses it to the floor. He stomps around the island, gets right in Logan's face, and shoves a finger into his chest. "Screw. You."

Barely aware that the broom is falling to the floor, Logan raises an incredulous eyebrow. "Excuse me?" James pokes him again.

"You heard me! Screw you and your holier-than-thou attitude! You think," James stops to take in a huffing breath before continuing. "You think that you're the victim in all this. Did you ever stop and think that maybe, _just fucking maybe_, that I was a little hurt, too?"

"James-"

"Shut up, Logan! Let me finish." James backs up a little and Logan is grateful for the space. "When…when _it_ happened I knew I had to leave. I knew it would hurt you and the band, but fuck, Logan! Did any of you think that maybe something happened that hurt me? That broke _my_ heart?"

James is breathing heavily, his cheeks are red from anger, and his pupils are blown. Logan's mouth opens and closes like a fish for a moment as he tries to find something to say. Finally he stutters something out.

"Why didn't—fuck—why didn't you _say_ something? Was packing up and leaving us all the…the best you could do?"

James rolls his eyes. "I was _scared_, Logan! What else was I supposed to do, huh? Just come crying to one of the guys, or you, and confess everything?" He scoffs and quickly pushes past Logan and rushes to the front door.

"James!"

Before Logan can stop him, James has his jacket on and is yanking the door open furiously. Snow whips inside with the wind, but that doesn't seem to stop James from walking out and slamming the door behind him.

Logan begins to pace anxiously. James will come back. It's snowing too hard to see anything and darkness is approaching fast. There's no way James will make it very far before he has to admit defeat and come back.

So he sits and he stares at the front door like his life depends on it.

* * *

_Gustavo Rocque is scary and Boy Band Boot Camp is the hardest thing Logan has ever had to endure, but he's in Hollywood with his best friends. What more could he ask for? He's living a dream most people would love to have. He's making music with his friends, they're in the process of making an EP, and hopefully a tour will happen in the next few months._

_He's honestly happy he let Kendall drag them all out here to be pop stars. Even if the pop star dream is all for James, Logan wouldn't want to be anywhere else with these guys. They matter most to him besides his family, and he would do anything for them. If that meant dropping everything and moving to Hollywood to be a part of a boy band, then so be it._

_It only takes a few weeks for them to establish a reputation at the Palm Woods. Kendall has Jo, Carlos has the Jennifers to chase after, Logan has Camille, and James…well, James is, and always will be, the most popular and pretty of the bunch. Their crib is fantastic and the people here are just as fantastic, if not a little crazy, but they still make the move worthwhile._

_Logan smiles. It's been a hectic day of harmonies and more dance lessons, but, despite the exhaustion settling in, he's happy to be spending an evening with the guys just hanging out and watching movies. While Kendall and James pick out some movies, Logan helps Carlos get the snacks ready._

"_So, did you hear about our dear James and Sun Block Girl?" Carlos snickers as he pours some chips into a bowl._

_Logan frowns. He's heard all about Sun Block Girl—who hasn't?—but that doesn't mean he has to like it. Ever since that night James helped him get ready for a date with Jenny, Logan hasn't been able to stop the feelings from developing. It started with just the simple little flutter in his chest with James near, but it's slowly progressed into butterflies in the stomach, fast breathing, shaky hands, and stuttering that makes him sound like an idiot. _

"_Logie? You still with me?"_

_Logan swats the hand out of his face. "I'm coming." He hands a bowl of candy to Carlos and pretends to be searching for something in a drawer just so he can stand there and think a little more. He's never acted on any of his feelings. Hell, he can barely even admit to himself that he could possibly be bisexual. How is he going to tell his friends? Much less James._

_With a heavy sigh, Logan ceases his actions and finally joins the others on the couch. He sits next to James, purposely avoiding any close contact. He gets a weird look from James at this but he chooses to ignore it. Whenever he starts to think about all of it he gets shy. The others always ask him what's wrong so he just shrugs it off as a bad day._

_But one day he'll be able to do something. Maybe Hollywood will make him brave._

_

* * *

_

Fifteen minutes later the front door slams open. Logan jumps off the couch and rushes over. James comes stumbling inside, fighting against the wind to get the door closed. He glares at Logan and passes him without a word.

_Fuck_.

Logan readily agrees with the voice in his head. He doesn't want to admit that James was right. He does need to lose the attitude that he's the only victim in all of this. He has never considered the fact that James may have been hurt in the process, and that the hurt and fear were the main reasons he packed up and left the next day. Logan has never been able to see past his own hurt and fear to wonder if maybe he broke his best friend's heart.

_Talk to him stupid._

Glaring, Logan ignores the voice this time. He hears the bathroom door shut so he goes to investigate. He finds that James has locked himself in. "James?" Logan knocks softly as he leans against the wall; all this fighting is draining him. "Please open the door. We need to talk."

"Go away, Logan. I don't want to talk to you right now," James responds. A sniffle follows the response and Logan instantly feels bad.

Maybe everything really is his fault. He broke James's heart four years ago, unintentionally, and he's doing it again now. When James says nothing else Logan sighs and backs away. He's not going to make things worse by forcing James to come out and talk when he clearly doesn't want to.

The phone rings. He gladly takes the distraction and leaves to answer it. But then the lights suddenly flicker, there's a groan from the heating and air system, and then he's left in semi-darkness.

_Well shit_.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Notes: I am SOOOO sorry for the delay. Geeze this chapter just gave me so much trouble, and even after re-doing it over and over I still don't feel like it's very good. Hmm, but maybe you guys will like it. Next chapter we're really getting into what happened between them, some other things are going to happen, and it's just really going to start coming full circle. Thank you all for the reviews! They mean a lot to me.**

**And I want to give a shout out to these two especially: Music4Ever1617 & Kiwiz-BTR-Peach! They have reviewed every single chapter I think and it really means a lot they're keeping up with this and reviewing! Thanks you two! :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything/anyone associated with BTR. If I did then I wouldn't be here posting fic, much less writing it. **

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****Chapter 7**

Logan swears loudly when he bumps hip first into a corner of the island. Finding a flashlight or candles or something shouldn't be so frustrating. He's already bumped into the wall more times than he can count, he has no clue where his backup supplies have disappeared to, and he's getting pretty pissed. This day has just _sucked_, epically.

"Logan?"

Logan jumps at James's voice. "I'm in the kitchen! Where are you?" He hurriedly opens every drawer he touches and starts rummaging through them all until he finally finds two flashlights.

"I'm still in the bathroom but it's too dark, I can't see," James answers. If Logan didn't know any better, he'd think James is scared, by the tone of his voice.

Logan turns on a flashlight, the beam of light welcome in the pitch black of the kitchen. He maneuvers around all the furniture, slowly making his way to the bathroom James locked himself in after their fight. When he reaches the door he knocks softly. "James? I have a flashlight, if you want it." He closes his eyes and leans against the door, his heart suddenly feeling like it weighs a ton in his chest. This entire day is taking its toll on him; he doesn't think he could handle it if they fought again.

"Hand it to me," James says quietly. Logan moves away from the door and it opens just enough for James to stick his hand out. Logan hands the extra flashlight to him, then moves some more in case James wants to come out. But when James retreats back into the bathroom and closes the door with a soft 'click,' he frowns.

Sighing, Logan slides down to the floor and leans against the wall opposite the door. He lets his flashlight go off and sets it next to him in case he needs it, and just sits there silently, hoping that James will come out.

* * *

After an hour has passed Logan is getting kind of fed up with this. James hasn't said a word, it's almost 6 p.m., his friends are still stuck at the grocery store, the snow isn't letting up at all, and he just wants to scream. How did he get himself into a situation like this? Why didn't he just tell the guys to stay at the house instead of going to the store? Why can't he seem to mend a broken friendship?

"Logan?"

James's voice is soft. A beam of light shines out the now open door and Logan can see James crawling out on his hands and knees. "It's cold in there," he mutters as he plops down next to Logan.

"Maybe we should try to light a fire. If the power doesn't come back on soon then it'll get really cold in here," Logan rambles, barely even paying attention to the fact that James is scooting closer. "There's matches somewhere in the kitchen but-" He stops talking when James sighs and lays his head on Logan's shoulder.

A beat of silence then, "Why did we let it get this bad, Logan?"

Logan swallows past the sudden lump in his throat. He can't answer that. If he knew the answers to everything then he and James wouldn't be in this predicament in the first place. Right now all he can do is keep hoping that, eventually, things will be perfect again.

* * *

_At sixteen Logan thought he had his life figured out perfectly. He'd make it through school, study to be a doctor, marry a nice girl, raise a family, and have the perfect life. But then, of course, Big Time Rush happened; Hollywood happened._

Feelings _happened. For a couple of weeks now he's been thinking it over and over and analyzing every little bit he can analyze, and he still doesn't have this whole thing figured out. He likes girls, but he likes boys. Honestly, it scares him. These feelings didn't surface until that night James helped him get ready for his date with Jenny. Things suddenly changed and he can't keep up with it all._

"_Logan, you still with us?"_

_Logan swats at the hand waving in front of his face, scowling. James laughs and gives him a friendly pat on the shoulder. He swallows hard, ignoring the way a simple touch from his best friend makes him feel. It makes his heart race and his head spin and his hands clammy and-_

"_I'm bi."_

_Woah. Logan clamps his mouth shut once he realizes he blurted that out for the entire room to hear. The entire room being James, Kendall, Carlos, Katie, and Mama Knight. His eyes go wide and his heart starts to race for an entirely different reason; he's pretty sure he's as white as a sheet. "Uh, um, I-I mean-" He abruptly stands from his spot on the bright orange couch and takes off for the door. _

_Later, when the apartment is cleared out, he hides in the swirly slide. That's where James finds him. Logan hunkers down as much as possible, knees tucked up to his chest, arms around his legs. He hides his face into his lap, the blush already coloring his cheeks._

"_You don't have to hide," James whispers as he crawls into the slide and sits next to Logan. Logan tries to scoot away but one can only move so far in the slide. Instead he presses himself against the side and keeps his face hidden. "Logan, look at me," James says sternly. _

_Logan shakes his head stubbornly. But James apparently won't have any of it. Without warning, James is out of the slide and grabbing Logan's ankles, tugging hard enough that Logan comes sliding out and to the floor. He hits with a loud 'thump' and just stays there. "Go away, James," he mumbles. He keeps his gaze on the ceiling; anywhere but James._

"_No." James grabs his hands and helps Logan to his feet. "Let's talk."_

_Logan sighs and reluctantly lets James lead him to the couch. He sits, a thousand different scenarios running through his mind about how bad this could go. He could lose James or Carlos or Kendall and anybody he's made friends with here. The thought scares him to death but he's not going to let it show; not right now._

"_So," James begins. Logan fidgets with his hands in his lap, bottom lip stuck between his teeth. He glances quickly at James. "You're bi."_

_Logan shrugs. "Don't hate me," he whispers. He couldn't stand it if everybody suddenly despised him, but he really couldn't take it if James of all people hated him. _

_James sighs. "Logan, nobody hates you now. Just because you like girls and guys doesn't mean you're a completely different person now. You're still the same Logan!" He scoots closer and Logan automatically scoots away. "You're still the same stubborn Logan, too. Geeze." The laugh he lets out makes Logan smile. _

_Before he can really stop himself he's flinging his arms around James and hugging him tightly. James hugs him back, still laughing. "Thanks," he mumbles. _

"_Let's go to the pool. Kendall and Carlos are just itching to get into trouble." _

_They separate and Logan grins at him. It feels just like it always does. Logan may have a new outlook on life and feelings, but he's still the same person, James is still his best friend. It feels good knowing that so he readily agrees to go to the pool. _

_As they're leaving, James rattling on about some idea Carlos had earlier, Logan can't help but think about how much James has been by his side since pre-kindergarten. He's always been there._


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Notes: Oh geeze, another huge delay! I'm sorry. School has been kind of stressful and I'm in the process of finding a job which is bad enough in itself! Ha. But thank you all for the reviews and the favoriting and alerting. It means a lot to me that so many people are at least READING this haha. I'm going to try and get the next update up sooner than I got this one up. **

**Ohhhh now we're getting into what happened! ;) BUT, what you see in this chapter isn't the entire backstory to what happened between them...you'll just have to wait for the next update to find out everything that caused James and Logan to split and James to leave the band! :)**

**PS: omg i put the wrong thing on this story. if you saw that I'M SORRY! i guess my brain short-circuited there for a moment. if you didn't see that well...keep movin' on :)**

**Dislcaimer: I don't anything/anyone associated with BTR. If I did...well, let's just leave it at that.**

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**Chapter 8**

_The night of their Christmas album release party Logan gets drunk off his ass. He's feeling pretty light and carefree; that alcohol is some good stuff. Gustavo is around somewhere talking to Griffin and other important people that Logan really doesn't care about right now. Nobody is monitoring him and his friends anyway so he doesn't care much about the fact that he's being served alcohol at the age of nineteen._

"_Hey, Logan, have you seen-woah," Kendall's eyes go wide. Logan giggles at his friend, throwing an arm around his waist. Kendall raises an eyebrow. "What's wrong with you?"_

"_I'm just," He takes another drink of his—well he's not really sure what kind of drink it is. "A little drunk." He holds his first two fingers up, barely an inch apart, to show Kendall. Kendall rolls his eyes, takes the drink, and stalks off to throw it away, leaving Logan standing there pouting._

_He's still standing there pouting when someone taps him on the shoulder. He spins around a little too fast but James is standing there with a grin on his face. Logan suddenly thinks he looks really pretty right now with his flushed cheeks and bright eyes and that smile. James shakes his head and wraps an arm around Logan's shoulders to steer him away from the supply of drinks. _

"_You're so drunk, Logie," James teases. Burying his face in James's shoulder, Logan giggles. "Let's get you a little sobered up before Gustavo and the Griffinator decide to come looking for us." James leads Logan through the crowded ballroom until they're both heading through a set of double doors that lead to the stairwell._

_James stops when Logan stumbles, giggling fiercely at his balance problem. "I'm so druuuuunk, Jamie," Logan says. He grins up at James who's shaking his head in amusement. Wrapping his arm tighter around Logan's shoulder, James sets off for the first set of stairs. Their hotel rooms are, thankfully, on the third floor, so there isn't that far to go._

_But the way up is slow going with Logan stumbling and laughing every few steps. James can't help but laugh with him, even though it eventually gets kind of annoying having to practically drag his drunk best friend up three flights of stairs. When they finally get through the third floor door James deposits Logan against the wall to dig out his room key._

_Before he can tumble down to the floor, James gets Logan inside and to their shared bedroom. To all the boy's surprise Gustavo got them a two bedroom suite with all the amenities. Right now, James couldn't be more grateful that they all share a room; that means less stumbling around to another room for Logan. He carefully drops Logan into a chair. Logan just laughs._

"_Logan, you stay _right here_. I'm going to get you a cold wash cloth so maybe you'll feel a little better." He smiles when Logan nods his head wildly. James hurries to the bathroom and finds a washcloth then wets it with cold water. Sighing, he heads back into the room, kicking his shoes off along the way. He might as well get comfortable._

_James stops in his tracks. Logan is nowhere to be found. There's a slight feeling of panic in his gut as he looks around wildly for his missing friend. But he doesn't have to look long before he sees Logan's shoes and leather jacket lying on the plush carpet by the chair, and Logan leaning against the sliding glass doors of the balcony. James joins Logan outside and sees that Logan is just leaning there breathing in the fresh air._

"_I told you to stay in the chair, Logan," James says as sternly as possible. _

_Logan rolls his head to the side and smiles. "I needed some fresh air," he whispers. Then, before can James can react fast enough, Logan is bent over and vomiting on the smooth stone of the balcony. Nose wrinkled in disgust, James steps back and waits for his friend to finish. "Oh, God, never again," Logan groans. With a sigh James helps Logan into the room, deciding he'll do something about the mess later._

_While Logan wanders around the room changing his clothes James gets the bed ready. No more party for Logan. The pout he gets at that is probably the most adorable thing he's ever seen but he'd rather have Logan coherent for their interviews the next day. _

"_Come on, Logie, it's bed time for you," James says loud and clear. Logan tries to fight off a yawn, to no avail. _

_As Logan crawls into the bed he starts to ramble. James listens as best he can, barely making out the words "pretty" and "love." Normally this would make him smile, but he has no clue what Logan is talking about so he just sits on the edge of the mattress and listens while Logan continues to talk about someone who's pretty that he apparently loves. _

"_James?"_

_James hums in answer. Logan turns big, bright eyes on him, a small smile on his face. "You're really pretty you know that?" Then he grins and snorts out a giggle. "Like, really pretty. Nobody should be that pretty. Pretty, James." He grabs some of James's hair and starts twisting it while he keeps on rambling; James tries not to flinch at the contact because Logan is, after all, messing up his hair._

"_Logan-"_

"_And I think anyone would be lucky to have you and-"_

"_Logan, will you-"_

_Logan' won't _shut up_. James rolls his eyes, heaving out a sigh at the antics of his friend. The hair fiddling has become hair tugging and James doesn't like that too much. What can he do to shut him up?_

"_James, so pre-"_

_So James twists around and kisses him._

_

* * *

_

A loud banging interrupts Logan's train of thought. He blinks, not even realizing that he was staring at the wall ahead of him for so long. Glancing down he sees that James is no longer leaning against him. He pushes himself to his feet, flashlight in hand, and makes his way towards all the noise.

Logan finds James in the kitchen, flashlight held in his mouth, opening and closing all the cabinet doors and the drawers. "What are you doing?" Logan asks. James jumps, dropping the flashlight in his fright.

"I was looking for batteries. My flashlight keeps flickering," James mumbles as he picks up his light and starts rummaging again.

Logan carefully maneuvers his way around the kitchen until he's by James's side. He takes the flashlight from James and beats it against his hand a few times before it finally stops flickering. James rolls his eyes and stomps off towards the living room.

"What now?"

James doesn't answer him. Before he can let his anger get the best of him, Logan leaves the room and goes to his office. If James wants to talk then he can come find Logan. Logan sits in his rolling office chair, sighing. He has no clue what's going on now, but honestly he could care less. James is just being a drama queen about things again.

He idly starts spinning around in his chair while staring at the dark ceiling. The wind has finally stopped altogether outside and the snow has hopefully stopped falling. Logan glances out the window though he can see nothing but darkness.

Part of him wishes this entire day hadn't happened. If the snow storm hadn't started, if Carlos and Kendall hadn't left him here by himself so their plan could be put into action; if, if, if. It's been one hell of a day, and there are moments he wishes he could take back.

But if he's being honest with himself, he's actually enjoyed having James around. Even if James keeps acting like a jerk and he himself keeps letting his anger get the best of him, it's still been an overall fine day.

Right now, though, he can only hope the end result is what he wants.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Notes: This was supposed to be up one or two days ago. But things don't go the way we want them to sometimes. lol. Anyways! Thanks for all the amazing reviews on the last chapter! This chapter is a little more...in depth? I guess you could say. It's from James's POV (I know, I know random swtich but we had to get James in there _somewhere_!) and it gets kind of...well. Yeah. Anyway. I hope ya'll enjoy! Keep the reviews coming :)**

**Request: I need a beta. And I don't mean just for one or two stories. I mean someone that wouldn't mind sticking with me and putting up with my insecurities about my stories and my ideas and blah blah blah. If you're willing to do that then I would love your help! I already have two stories in the works, and there's one that really needs a second opinion. I don't mind constructive criticism at all; in fact I love it! So please, if you can help and would love to get on board, please PM me! :)**

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**Chapter 9**

At some point in his life, things went wrong for James Diamond. He thinks maybe it all started when he…when _it_ happened with Logan four years ago. Around that time he was just beginning to figure a lot of things out about what he wanted to do with his life, where he wanted to go, the people he wanted to please.

Then shit hit the fan and his plans went haywire. Instead of Big Time Rush continuing for a lot longer than it did, he left. He left and went to New York to become a model, an actor, whatever he could get out there. Anything but what he left behind. Because in that moment, that moment when he left, he was terrified of what could happen after that night. So he thought the best option was to pack everything up and leave.

And break three hearts in the process. It took some time, but Kendall and Carlos eventually forgave him for what he did. They only know half of the things that happened that night with Logan. He couldn't tell them everything; not without the guilt eating at him until he couldn't breathe. He's kept close tabs on his two friends over the years, seen them as much as possible, but that one person was always missing.

That's why he's here, now, on Logan's couch four years later. He's only seen Logan once and that was two years ago at a meeting for the band; some idea about getting them back together. Even then Logan couldn't stand to look at him, much less be sociable with him for the sake of their friends and the record executives present. He's called—Lord knows he's called—so many times. So much so that when he finally gave up, he was heartbroken all over again.

This entire day has been nothing but a rollercoaster. One minute they are silently hating each other. The next they are laughing about something or just talking. And now he's not so sure what's happening. After the power went out and Logan sat outside the door, just to be with him in the dark, James couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that fear is rearing its ugly head. What if this turns out horribly again? What if they both screw up again?

James wouldn't be able to take it if he and Logan visited Splitsville again. He's entirely sure that his heart would break and never mend. He _needs_ all three of them in his life. Everything is better when it's the four of them.

So why can't he pull his head out of his ass and get over this fear?

* * *

_One wouldn't know that Logan is drunk right now. The way he's staring at James, mouth open in a surprised 'O', eyes surprisingly focused, would tell them that he's sober or at least sober enough to walk straight and talk coherently. But James knows better. _

_He just kissed Logan. He just kissed his best friend who's bi and thinks James is pretty. _He just kissed Logan_. He can't seem to wrap his mind around it just yet. So he does it again before Logan can form a coherent response. _

_James actually doesn't mind kissing Logan. His lips aren't all soft and smooth; they're chapped and taste like too-expensive beer. It's kind of sloppy due to Logan's drunkenness, but overall it's not that bad. It's different and he thinks that maybe that's what he likes the most about it. Apparently kissing a guy is nothing like kissing a girl. Go figure._

"_What was that for?" Logan whispers. James opens his eyes and sees that Logan's are closed pretty tightly. His nose is wrinkled like he's expecting the worst to happen. James thinks it's probably the cutest thing he's ever seen. "James?" he whispers again._

_James coughs, scooting away from Logan a little. He doesn't want this to get awkward at all. They're best friends for fuck's sake, this shouldn't be so difficult. Except in his mind it's not that difficult. In his mind he can clearly see this going further; he can see it turning into more than what they already have. But he's not gay or bi. It's more like a Logan-thing._

_He's not really sure when he started to notice Logan in a more than friendly way. Sure, he's always known Logan has brown eyes. But lately it's more like Logan has these rich, pretty chocolate eyes that could bring any girl or boy to their knees. And he's always known Logan has a nice smile. But now it's more like Logan has a smile that is nothing less than perfect. And he's always known that Logan is fit. But now it's more like Logan has a body that James wants to see on more than one occasion, one that he wants to claim as his own._

_James realizes he's staring and shakes his head to clear the never-ending stream of thoughts. "Uh," he stumbles out. Logan's wrinkled nose and scrunched up eyes soften into a grin. "What're you grinning for?"_

_Logan laughs, eyes opening. "You're silly. That's why." James runs a hand through his hair and flops onto the mattress. So far this isn't going as badly as he thought it would. _

"_You're drunk. You won't remember any of this in the morning," James mumbles with his face shoved into a pillow. Even though Logan can't see, he's blushing pretty hard right now._

"_I won't remember what? _You _kissing _me_?" James groans and rolls over onto his side, propping himself up on an elbow. "This doesn't have to be difficult, James." Suddenly Logan's voice is a lot softer and a lot more sober; it's a lot deeper—sexier—than usual._

"_Logan, I'm not—" He pauses, trying to think of the right way to say he's not gay or anything ."I don't play for that team." He pauses again to mentally slap himself for how that came out. But Logan doesn't seem to be offended in the least bit. "I think…I think it's more of a Logan-thing."_

_Logan cocks his head sideways like James is the most curious thing he's ever seen. "A 'Logan-thing'?" Before James can respond Logan is falling over in laughter. _

_It's one of those laughs that make his eyes crinkle and his smile brighten. It's one of those that get James's heart to racing. He's never noticed it much before now. Maybe it's because of the situation or maybe it's because Logan's right: this doesn't have to be difficult. Whatever the reason, he's seeing things in a different and better light now._

_And, okay, maybe it has something to do with the alcohol in his system. He only had two beers but they were strong and got his head to buzzing. If things go awry he'll blame it on the alcohol. _

_Logan is still laughing. "Shut up," James mutters as he slaps a hand over his eyes. "You're so drunk. We shouldn't even be doing this. I'll just-" He doesn't get the chance to finish his sentence before Logan is pinning him down. _

_He shuts his mouth, instead choosing to focus on the fact that Logan is pretty strong for a guy his size and it feels pretty good. Maybe, just this once, he can experiment. With girls he's the leader, he's the one that takes the reins. Now he's the one on the bottom being turned on, and it's not a girl. It's _Logan_._

"_You gonna kiss me again, James?" _

_James is suddenly nervous. But, once again, it's Logan. So he nods and does just as he says. He slides a hand around the back of Logan's neck and tugs him down into another kiss. This one is a little more intense than the last. Before he can question himself again or back out of this, he hooks a knee behind Logan's and flips them around so he is on top. _

_Logan moans; that's probably the best thing James has heard all night. He wants to hear it again, possibly for a long time. The thought kind of scares him, but he keeps kissing Logan. Nothing is going to stop this, not now. Not after all the sleepless nights wondering if Logan has feelings for him, or if Logan thinks he's pretty, or if Logan's gotten himself a boyfriend yet. He's finally getting to figure some things out and he's not going to screw it up._

_Not yet at least._


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: *runs and hides* I know, I knowwww! Super super late update! I'M SORRY! :( But uh, there's sappy stuff in here? Does that make up for it? Well...some sappy stuff and then something you guys would probably hate but ha, uh yeah. And I'm sorry it's super short. Keep the amazing reviews coming! :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing/no one associated with BTR. If I did...well, I'll leave that up to your imagination. **

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**Chapter 10**

"I'm scared," are the first words out of James's mouth when he finds Logan sitting behind his desk, head in his hands. He doesn't know what gave him the will to go and find Logan, and finally admit to that, but he's done it and he can't take it back. The words have been said, and he's sure that they are the words Logan has been waiting to hear all day, or maybe even for four years.

"I knew that already," Logan sighs.

Huffing, James flops down onto the loveseat in the corner of the room. He rubs a hand over his face, suddenly tired beyond belief. It has been one of the most stressful days of his life and he would give anything to just be able to snap his fingers and have everything be better.

"James," Logan starts, "you don't have to tell me you're scared. You don't have to explain anything to me."

James abruptly sits upright. "Explain anything? Logan—" He huffs, again, this time in annoyance. "Logan, I_ do_ have to explain. This entire day has been pretty stressful, for the both of us, and it shouldn't have to be."

There's a moment of silence in which James thinks Logan is going to get up and leave, probably decide they shouldn't be friends anymore. But then Logan is sighing and getting up to come sit next to James. "So what are you so afraid of?" And it's such a simple question but it has James getting all flustered and frustrated and just—

"I'm scared that we aren't going to be where we used to be," he admits. "I'm scared that everything that has ever happened between us—good and bad—is going to just disappear and I'll never have you in my life again." James sucks his bottom lip between his teeth to stop the sudden tears that are threatening to ruin his composure. He's held it together all day. Why should now be any different?

Logan takes one of James's hands in his own. He holds it, palm up, and stares at the lines, tracing them with a finger as he does so. An involuntary shiver races down James's spine at the simple motion. It's so Logan that he wants to almost cry or pitch a fit that would make a five year old happy. _Why _can't he have something so simple?

"James, I—" Logan pauses, dropping James's hand. James almost tells him to do it again, keep tracing the palm of his hand, but he doesn't. "You're never _not_ going to have me in your life."

It's such a sweet reply that James does cry.

* * *

_A beam of sunlight hits him in the eyes the moment James wakes. He stretches and yawns, throws an arm over his eyes to block out the light. When he tries to shift around into a more comfortable position he finds that it's almost impossible to move. Confused, he looks down and right into messy brown hair._

_His heart does a somersault. He freezes and it's suddenly hard to breathe as the events of last night come rushing back in the form of a pounding headache. He squeezes his eyes shut, tries to take a deep breath. But it's not working._

_He made out with his drunk best friend. He had _sex_ with _Logan. _James is positive that he could be having a heart attack right now. So he closes eyes and just tries to breathe and calm down. However, that doesn't work very well. The entire night is playing in his mind like a broken record._

_The sex was—well, it was sex. It was awkward and they fumbled around, but eventually the clothes came off and it just happened. James thought he knew what he was doing; he thought last night was something he wanted, has been wanting. He's been confused for awhile now when it comes to his sexuality and trying to figure out who he really is. Then Logan happened and sex happened and his mind is one jumbled up mess of confusion._

_James groans. The noise makes Logan shift in his sleep. It's then that James realizes they're both still naked and Logan is practically wrapped around him; one arm draped across his chest and both legs wrapped around his own. Swearing softly, James tries to maneuver his way out of Logan's grip. _

_He eventually manages to get Logan to hug a pillow. And if Logan looks absolutely adorable hugging the pillow, hair mussed up in fifty different directions, cheeks tinted pink, then James doesn't notice. He sighs and shoves a hand in his hair, grimacing at how gross it feels. He sits on the edge of the bed, cradling his head in his hands. What has he done?_

_He should wake Logan up so they can talk about this. But he doesn't want to do that. Talking about it would make it even more real, talking about it would mean that he, James Diamond, had sex with his best friend. Logan mumbles something in his sleep. James tries not to crawl back under the covers and wrap himself around Logan and go back to sleep. _

_With a heavy sigh, James gets up and searches for his clothes. When he's dressed and semi-presentable he makes sure he has everything before leaving the room. He doesn't look back until he's in the hallway and he doesn't think twice about leaving. He just _leaves_. _

_And, as he waits for the elevator with a heavy heart, he tries to believe that he's doing the right thing._

_

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_After a few minutes James eventually calms down enough to pull Logan into a hug. It's kind of awkward with both of them sitting, but he manages to shove his face into the junction between Logan's neck and shoulder, and just breathe. The events of the day have really caught up with him; he can't take much more of this.

Logan pats his back awkwardly. James huffs out a laugh. "What're you laughing at?" Logan grumbles.

"You. You never were the cuddly type," James says softly. "Except for when you get drunk. Then you're very cuddly."

Logan groans loudly. "Shut up, James. That was only a couple of times." James laughs again and pulls away from the embrace. He swipes a hand across his eyes to make sure there's no more tears.

"Can I ask you something?"

Logan sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "Sure. Go for it." He smiles. James's heart does a little flip.

He opens his mouth to speak but is interrupted by the power flickering. In a second the lights are back on. The heating unit kicks on a few seconds later and James hears Logan's sigh of relief. Logan gets up, heading straight for the phone to see if it's working. James watches as Logan puts the phone to his ear, then lets out another relieved sigh before quickly dialing a number.

"Kendall, it's Logan. Can you hear me?"

James hesitates before deciding to get up and leave the room. He can ask Logan everything he wants to ask later. They have time.

They have plenty of time. James is sure of it.


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: Ha! I didn't take FOREVER to update this time. Although, I did want this to be up two days earlier, but oh well. At least it's not a two week delay like that last chapter. Haha. Thank you for all the awesome reviews, even though chapter 10 didn't get that many *shrugs* oh well. But at least this chapter is longer! Also, it's a quick switch back to Logan's POV, then when it comes back to present day it's back to James, in case you can't tell. I kinda figured we needed Logan's side of things from that morning. :) And, Morior Invictus told me about this song. It's called Hold On My Heart by Sarah Blasko and it actually does fit pretty well this story! Go give it a listen, it's a cool song :). ****REVIEW! :) **

**PS: There's only one chapter left :(**

**Disclaimer: same old same old. i dont own btr blah blah blah. wish i did though.**

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**Chapter 11**

_There's an insistent pounding right behind Logan's skull. It feels like someone is repeatedly playing the drums up there and he wishes it would stop. With a groan he yanks the sheet over his head, willing the sunlight that's streaming through the window to just go away._

_He blindly reaches a hand out, searching for that familiar, warm body. When he finds nothing but cold sheets, he pops his head out to investigate. The other side is completely empty, void of all warmth and a body. Frowning, he maneuvers himself until he's in an upright position; the pain in his skull gets a little worse. But he's got more pressing matters right now._

"_James?"_

_Logan looks around the room, searching for his missing companion. He doesn't have another moment to think, though, before his stomach lurches and he's on his way to the restroom. It feels like hours, but eventually all the contents of his stomach are in the toilet. Grimacing, he quickly flushes the toilet and stands with a groan to brush his teeth._

_While he brushes he thinks. Where could James be? Logan tells himself that James is out getting them breakfast, or maybe he's in another room, waiting for Logan. That thought makes him smile. He settles on the decision that James is waiting for him somewhere else, content for the moment. _

_After brushing his teeth and giving himself a once over in the mirror, Logan deems himself clean enough to wait another few minutes to shower. He has someone to go find. He quickly grabs the bathrobe hanging by the shower and slips it on. As he's leaving the restroom a sudden pang of uneasiness settles in his stomach. He tries to ignore it and push it away._

"_James," he calls out as he heads into the main room of the suite. Logan frowns when he sees no James. He decides to try the kitchen, and, as he's making his way towards it, the uneasiness grows. _

_It hits him that the suite is too silent. James has never been much of a morning person. Ever since they were kids, he would moan and groan and protest to everyone that would listen how much he hated getting up so early for school. Since moving to L.A., things haven't changed. So to hear absolutely nothing disturbs Logan._

"_James, where are you?"_

_Then he sees it. He may have been drunk last night but he remembers James, at some point during their time spent in the room, taking his shoes off by the door. The shoes aren't there. They're gone. And that scares Logan more than it should._

_Without a second thought he takes off for the bedroom. Stopping in the doorway, he takes in the state of the room. His own clothes are still in a pile on the floor. Other than that, there's not a single trace of James ever being in here last night. _

_Uneasiness turns to desperation as Logan hastily begins to rip the sheets off the bed, hoping to find at least one article of James's clothing. Finding nothing, he gets down on the floor and searches under the bed. There is nothing under there either. So he sits back on his heels and just stares at the empty room. _Nothing_. Absolutely nothing to find. It's almost as if James had never been here. The only tell-tale sign that he was is the ache Logan can feel building._

_He sits there for an hour. Eventually his butt goes numb and his headache worsens, but honestly, he would be lying to himself if he said he could feel it; he's numb all over. His cell phone ringing is what makes him finally get up, stretch his legs, try and get some feeling back. _

_The phone is nowhere in sight. It takes some searching but Logan finds it shoved underneath a pillow. He gets a whiff of all too familiar cologne. His heart lurches feebly. Maybe it has gone numb, too. He answers the phone quickly before the caller can hang up._

"_Hello?" His voice cracks. He clears it and says hello again. It's Carlos. He wants to know where James is, if he's with Logan, or if Logan has seen him. _

_Tears prick the corners of his eyes so he wipes them away hastily even though Carlos can't see it through the phone. He tells Carlos he hasn't seen James since late last night. It hurts to say that, no matter how true it may or may not be. _

_Logan's call with Carlos is interrupted by a call from Kendall. He puts Carlos on hold and answers Kendall. Before he can even get a word out Kendall is rambling about James and New York and leaving. _

"_What?" Logan whispers._

"_He left me a voicemail earlier this morning. He's gone, Logan. H-he went to New York, he's quitting the band, he said he can't do this anymore." Kendall, ever the fearless leader, sounds weak in Logan's ear. Their best friend is _gone_, and it's all Logan's fault._

_Logan hangs up on Kendall. Without a second thought, he flings the phone across the room. It smacks against the wall with a satisfying 'crack!' before falling to the floor in two pieces. He's angry; he's guilty. He's blaming himself for this mess. Everything was perfectly fine until—_

_Logan falls face first into the mess of pillows and sheets. This is all his fault. He turns his head to the side and stares out the window. It's so pretty out there today. But Logan could care less. He screwed up the band; he screwed up one of the best relationships he's ever had in his life. And he doesn't have a clue what to do._

_Someone comes barreling through the bedroom door. He vaguely hears Kendall and Carlos arguing over something, but all Logan can think about it JamesJamesJames. A hand lands on his shoulder, bringing him out of his stupor for a second. He blinks rapidly to clear the sting of tears and sits up, pulling the robe tighter around his frame. _

"_How did you get in here?" Logan asks. Anything to get the subject off of James, even if it is only for a moment._

"_Housekeeping. But that's not important," Kendall waves a dismissive hand at Logan. "Do you know anything? Why would he just—why would he just _leave_ like that?" He shoves a hand roughly through his hair. _

_Logan swallows, hard, past the lump in his throat. He can't tell his two best friends about last night. If they knew it would ruin everything they've built over the years. At least, he thinks it would. They have been friends since preschool, but that doesn't mean they know every single thing about each other. They don't know that Logan had feelings for James; they don't know that he wanted James for himself. _

"_I—" he chokes on his words. He clears his throat and continues on. "I don't know. After he brought me to my room he—he, uh, he left. I don't think he ever went to his room." Logan hates lying to them. He feels even guiltier now._

_Kendall groans loudly as he sinks onto the bed beside Logan. "This is so screwed up. How could he do that?" Logan wants to comfort his friend, wants to tell him it will be okay, but he would feel even worse if he did that. _

_Carlos sniffles across the room. Eyes wide, Logan realizes that Carlos is crying. Carlos—happy, care-free Carlos—never gets that upset. Guilt slams into him heavier than before. Nobody should ever make his best friend cry, and he's the one that has done it. He feels like he's going to be sick. None of this should be happening._

"_It's my fault," he whispers. He doesn't know why he's all of a sudden deciding to tell the truth, when moments ago he _lied_ to their faces. _

"_Logan, it's nobody's fault," Kendall assures him. _

_Logan shakes his head fiercely. "No, Kendall, it's my fault. I-I screwed up. James is gone because of me, because of what happened last night. I'm-I'm sorry," he stammers out before standing abruptly. He hurriedly finds some clean clothes then disappears into the bathroom. He can't face them now._

_Kendall starts pounding on the door. "Logan, what happened?" He sounds kind of angry, a little betrayed maybe. This makes Logan's heart hurt even worse. He leans against the locked door, slides to the floor, and buries his head in his knees. _

_It's almost as if his mouth has a mind of its own. He tells Kendall everything through the door. Tells him about drinking too much, about James being a good friend and bringing Logan to the room, tells him that they kissed, that they went a little farther than best friends should go; tells him that when he woke up James was gone. By the time he's finished there's silence on the other side of the door. _

_Then, much to Logan's dismay, there's the sound of feet running away, and a door slamming only moments later. Finally he allows the tears to fall. James is gone, his two other friends are angry with him, and everything is falling apart. _

"_Logie?"_

_Logan jumps at Carlos's voice accompanied by a soft knock. "Carlos, what are you still doing here?" he asks through his tears. _

_Carlos sighs. "I'm not going to leave you, Logan. You're—" He stops, like he can't figure out what to say. "You're hurting and you're my best friend. Just because you made a mistake doesn't mean I'm going to leave you. Kendall, well, he'll come around." _

_Logan smiles briefly. He stands and unlocks the door. Carlos is standing there, bottom lip stuck between his teeth, a sadness that should never be there clouding his eyes. Surprisingly, he steps forward and engulfs Logan in a hug. _

"_I'm sorry," Logan whispers sadly. Carlos only squeezes him tightly._

"_We'll get through this. Don't worry."_

_Logan sighs and closes his eyes. They will get through this. James won't be there, but they will._

* * *

"Carlos and Kendall will be back soon."

James looks up from the magazine in his lap. He hasn't opened it, though. It's just sitting there. He nods to show he heard Logan. "That's good," he says softly. Sighing, Logan joins him on the couch.

"What did you want to ask me earlier, James?" Logan turns so he's facing James. James tries not to notice how close he is or how easy it would be to reach out and touch.

He swallows past the nerves. Why is this so hard? It's a simple question; something he needs to discuss with Logan. If he's ever going to get over this whole thing he needs to know everything he's ever wanted to know since he left that morning.

If he doesn't do it now, then he'll never get Logan back.


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Notes: Sorry for the kind-of-long-wait. I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out how to end this damn story haha. Well, I already _knew_ how I was going to end it, I just couldn't figure out how to get it all out. ANYWAYS. Let me start by saying THANK YOU to eveyone that has reviewed this ridiculous story. It feels nice to know that I did semi-good for my second BTR fic, and my first BTR full-length fic. Your reviews have made me happy! For everyone that alerted/favorited THANK YOU, too! Although you didn't review :p (and I'll forgive you for that) it still makes me happy that you liked it enough to at least favorite/alert it. I'm kind of ridiculously sad this story is over now. BUT, there are a few things in the works! I have a couple of betas and they are awesome! **

**Once again thanks! :)**

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**Chapter 12-The End**

Logan smiles reassuringly. On the inside he's freaking out, though. As a kid whenever James had to ask him something or talk to him about something, one or both of them got into some kind of trouble. Talking with James was hardly ever a good thing.

Now, though, maybe it is.

James is nervous, Logan can tell. He keeps twisting his fingers and fiddling with his watch, running a hand through his hair. "Logan, I-" He pauses and sighs. Logan chuckles, causing James to frown.

"Calm down, James. It's just me. You know you can ask me anything." He smiles again. It feels good to know that, even for this moment, their relationship is back to what it used to be. Although he's kind of afraid of what James might have to say, it still _feels_ good.

James visibly relaxes. A small smile graces his features. "Are we—are we back to where we used to be?" he asks quietly. It's Logan's turn to frown.

"Of course we are. You know we are. What's this all about?" Logan begins to worry. What if James is actually going to leave him again? But no, he wouldn't make everything right again only to leave.

"I'm just…I guess I'm just kind of worried," James admits. He sighs, scrubbing his eyes with a fist. "I don't want everything to fall apart again. But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about."

When he stands there without saying anything for a few moments, Logan reaches out and squeezes his shoulder reassuringly. James looks pretty frustrated about this.

"Are you _happy_, Logan?" James pulls his bottom lip between his teeth nervously.

Is he happy? Logan thinks about the past four years. He's had Carlos and Kendall to talk to, and he's had his few friends from the Palm Woods. There have been those nights when he's come home wishing someone was there, waiting, a smile on their face and a "Welcome home" ready for him. After James left he was pretty torn up about everything. Nothing could make him happy or even content. But now, after so many days of wondering what would happen if he ever saw James again, he can say that he hasn't been happy.

At some point he grew content with his life. Being pre-med kept him busy all the time. Kendall and Carlos visited as much as possible. Nothing was the same though. It wasn't like those years at the Palm Woods when it was a foursome and all he had to worry about was his homework and what kind of trouble they would all get into for doing one thing or another. The lack of James in his life left a big hole, but he was okay for awhile.

Then James showed up today. Was it really only a few hours ago? It feels like it's been an eternity to Logan. Everything has fallen apart, been put back together, fallen back apart, and put back together again all in several hours. To say he's unhappy would be a lie. This has actually been one of the most exciting, emotional, and happiest days of his life. James showed up on his doorstep, James walked right back into his life, and James put it all back together.

He's happy.

"Yeah. I'm happy," he says, smiling. James continues to bite his lip. "Are you happy?"

James seems to stop and think about this for a second. Then, after releasing a huge sigh, he shrugs. "I don't know. I'm happy _now_, yeah. We're okay and it feels like we're going to be okay." He sucks in a breath and lets it out slowly. "But I think, after I left, I just grew content with life."

Logan laughs lightly. "I feel the same way. I stopped trying to be happy once I got over what happened, but then I kind of figured I could at least _like_ where my life was going. There was just one thing missing…" He frowns again, and James must notice because he tugs Logan into a tight, lung-crushing hug.

Logan sinks into the hug as easy as if James never left. It's almost like neither one of them made a mistake, neither one of them let that night happen. Everything feels like it should be: normal.

"Logan," James whispers.

Logan hums in response. He's too content to break the hug now.

_You're afraid he'll disappear_.

Logan's eyes fly open. That stupid voice hasn't been around for a couple of hours. But, this time, he finds himself agreeing with it. If he lets go James might disappear right in front of him and this entire day would have been a dream. He couldn't handle that.

He's so absorbed in what he's thinking that he doesn't hear James. "Sorry, what?" He pulls back just enough to look up into James's face.

"I said: has there ever been anyone else?" James seems almost hesitant to ask.

Surprised, Logan stops to think. There's never really been anyone else. At least, not anyone that lasted more than a week or two. He could never find anyone that lived up to James. No one was ever pretty enough, or dorky enough, or talented enough. He was so stuck on what he wanted from James that he never really looked past what they _didn't_ have to see what they _did _have.

"I—uh, not really." Logan shrugs nonchalantly. He kind of figures now it's his turn to ask James the same thing. To say he's afraid is the understatement of the day. "What about you? Has there…ever been anybody else? Or, well, anyone that wasn't a girl?"

James laughs at this; the sound makes Logan smile. Then he grows serious and focuses on a spot over Logan's shoulder. This makes him nervous.

"There were," James pauses, glancing nervously at Logan, "a few, actually. After what happened I was so messed up about sexuality and myself and how others saw me that I kind of went on a little self-destructive spree." Logan tenses: he doesn't want to know about what may or may not have happened after James left. "It wasn't until I landed that modeling job in New York that I got out of my funk. I realized that it didn't matter if I liked girls, boys, or both, or if the entire thing was still just a you-thing. I just wanted to be happy."

Logan steps out of the hug, albeit a little reluctantly. "Did you do it because of me?" he asks hesitantly. He couldn't handle it if everything James did was because of him.

"What? Logan, no!" James steps closer to him, his hands coming to rest on Logan's cheeks. Logan blushes because no one has done that in, well, he's lost count of how many weeks it has been since he was with someone. "It was all me. I promise." Logan swallows hard past the lump forming in his throat. James is looking at him so intensely; it's kind of making him even more nervous.

Before he can stop himself, Logan blurts out the one thing he always wanted to know but was too afraid to ask. "Did you ever love me back? In-in that way?" He suddenly feels like that nerdy, stuttery, nervous sixteen year old living in a small town in Minnesota with his three best friends. James always made him feel like that, no matter how much he tried to deny it.

James smiles softly. "I _still_ love you," his hands drop from Logan's face. He pulls Logan into another hug, presses his lips to Logan's ear. "Just not the way you always wanted me to."

And Logan is okay with that. When he was sixteen and still figuring out the whole sexuality thing that would have broken his heart. When he was nineteen and drunk and making out with his best friend, that would have broken his heart. But now, at twenty-four, he's okay with it. His best friend is back and they are okay. He has no reason to be heartbroken over a few simple words.

"I'm okay with that," he admits. James squeezes him tightly. "I'm not okay with oxygen deprivation, though." Laughing loudly, James releases him and steps back. Logan is surprised to see he's teary-eyed.

James swipes a hand over his eyes quickly, still laughing. Logan opens his mouth to say something else, but the front door swings open and bangs against the wall, making both of them jump. Logan spins around to see what's happening. Carlos comes running through the front door, a grocery bag in hand, his helmet strapped to his head.

"I never thought I'd be so happy to see hard wood flooring!" He drops to his knees and kisses the floor in Logan's doorway.

"Knock it off, will ya?" Kendall comes through next with another grocery bag. He nudges Carlos in the side until Carlos shoves him away and gets to his feet.

Logan rolls his eyes. He really needs new friends.

"So," Carlos says brightly, a knowing smirk on his face, "what'd we miss?"

Logan looks at James and James grins back.

"Nothing big," James replies.

Logan sighs happily. Everything is right again.


End file.
